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About Cologne

Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Ah, but let me digress—there be parks aplenty, like the exquisite Waldpark, where dappled sunlight sneaks through ancient trees. I’ve spent lazy afternoons there, napping under a giant oak near the pond. Trust me on this: if thou lovest solitude, that oak doth whisper, "Carpe diem" in every rustle of its leaves. I've had moments where anger flared, too; those days when the hustle of tourists irks me to no end. And then, there's the oddity of our local cafe on Hofstrasse—can you believe it? They serve the strangest herbal concoctions that sometimes taste like pure magic, sometimes like a madman’s brew—LOL!

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